Sex parties; the Ins and Outs

A what now?

I’m not talking about an orgy, although I certainly saw something resembling one. No, when I say a sex party, it’s more of a casual gathering for like-minded people, who have very liberal attitudes towards sex, or are very open about their sexuality in general. You don’t have to have sexual contact or sleep with anyone, you can just go and talk and make new (non-sexual) friends with similar interests, almost like joining a UCC society, in a way. The one I went to was BYOB, snacks were provided.

How did I end up here?

I signed up to a swinger’s website, on which you can sign up as a single person or as a couple. I was directed to a couple that holds these parties by an acquaintance of mine. Once I had verified my account and we chatted a bit, I applied to attend and was successful in getting on the list. These things are popular, and spaces fill up quick.

What was it like?

It was a bit awkward at first. Yes, I supposedly knew someone who would be there, but we were attending separately. I arrived on my own, into a building I had difficulty finding. For all my big talk, I had never been to anything like this, and I was nervous as hell.

The party was set up to have 2 rooms. 1 room was all couches, where people could sit, eat, drink and chat. The other room was a dancefloor, with private cubicles/rooms off of it, should you choose to get lucky. The cubicles were empty, with curtains for privacy, but the rooms had lockable doors and leather couches. After sitting awkwardly on a couch alone and looking around for a few minutes, a rather lovely person spotted me looking lost and struck up a conversation. When they found out I was new and unaccompanied, they made it their mission to make me comfortable, showing me around, chatting to me, and putting me at ease.

One thing that struck me was how much consent was valued. Nobody put a hand on anyone unless it had been discussed first. No-one randomly groped anyone on the dance floor unlike in some Cork niteclubs. Everyone was so open and accepting. We laughed about funny stories from our sex lives, no topic was off limits, and most of the conversation didn’t revolve around sex either. If someone wanted to go further, they asked. If you said yes, great, but if you said no, that was ok too. There was no pressure to participate. Everyone was so complimentary, too. It was all about building each other up, and being free to express yourself and have fun.


There was a public play area where people could play on a couch in front of other and I have to tell you, it was surreal. Watching what was effectively live porn on a leather couch (wipe clean, the organisers thought of everything), while others sat/stood around and watched avidly is something I’ll never forget. I got to see a woman come so hard I honestly thought she was going to take off- HAWT. In the cubicles, you could just stroll up and pull back the curtain and have a look if you were curious. Even for the private rooms, unless the door was locked, someone was probably going to have a peek.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder and introduced herself and her boyfriend, then asked if they could find me later for some fun. That was a wonderful compliment from a good looking couple who could have had their pick of any of the attendees.

One of the nicest moments was sitting in the smoking area with a few of the people, chatting in general and trading compliments. Everyone has bits about their body that they’re self-conscious about, but who doesn’t have some love handles after Christmas? Everyone was so positive and full of praise, you couldn’t help but feel good about yourself afterwards.

I got to live out a fantasy I never thought would come true. In my head, although I’ve always been interested some of the “kinkier” aspects of human sexuality, I always thought of swinger’s parties as intimidating, subconsciously picturing orgies of incredibly beautiful people having the kind of unrealistic porn sex where he whips out his penis and you’re already orgasming up a storm. It was surprisingly comforting and very empowering to find that it’s just normal looking people having fun.


Protection: Take your own condoms with you, don’t rely on someone else for your safety. I think women in particular are ashamed of carrying condoms, or asking men to put one on. DON’T BE! Most men don’t have an issue with it, and the ones that do aren’t worth doing. If you have been carrying the same one for a while, remember that the friction in your wallet can damage condoms, so refresh them regularly.

At the party I attended, most people didn’t have to be asked, and if they did it was a non-issue for all involved.

Clothing: The dress code most people stuck to was “Friday night in Town”, if you will. Shirts and jeans for gentlemen, dresses or trousers and nice tops for the women. No-body is wearing a ball gown, but most people feel a bit more confident with their best looking foot forward. As long as you’re happy and comfortable, nobody cares.

If you think you’re going to fool around, keep accessories to a minimum and wear clothing that’s easy to get in and out of. Elaborate lingerie/outfits are all well and good, but a quickie can quickly become an ordeal if opening all the clasps is going to take longer than the sex, and I doubt you wore the sexiest underwear you have for it to get torn in the heat of the moment. Similarly, nobody wants a mouthful of swamp ass (well some might be into that but don’t bet on it), so a spritz of aftershave/ perfume downstairs and maybe some talc for your balls will go a long way to maintaining that fresh feeling.

Alcohol: If you choose to drink, remember to pace yourself. Some people had a bit too much and then had to leave early, missing all the fun. As with any night out, the buddy system applies; tell someone where you’re going and always keep enough cash spare to get a taxi home.

The party I went to had a pre-party meet up in a nearby pub for people to get to know each other in a public setting. This was great, as you could leave if you changed your mind before it all went down, but it also saved people from just showing up to a random building and hoping it wasn’t a hoax.

Over all Experience?

This isn’t the kind of thing that is going to appeal to everyone, but if you’re open to it, it can be a great experience. If you do go, go with an open mind and easy to open clothes, if that’s your jam. Above all, have fun; be safe, and party!