How To Be Someone’s First (And Make It A Good First)
So, you’ve been on a date or five, you’ve met the friends, you’ve met the family, and now you’re thinking about doing the dirty. Great! You’re getting all loved up, clothes might have come off, but suddenly, they drop the bombshell: they’re less experienced than you, or simply have no experience at all.
I have been on both sides of this interaction. While some sail through with no hitches, for many people new to romantic relationships, the idea of their First Time can be a daunting prospect, especially when a partner is more experienced. Thus, it’s a topic that must be handled with a bit of decorum, lest you turn your potential partner off sex for life.
But never fear! We here at the Sexpress have got your back – we’ve put together a list of recommendations of how to engage with a partner who is less experienced than you in the bedroom.
Firstly, to quote Take That; have a little patience. While you might be willing to dive straight in there, someone with little to no experience of sex may need some more time to “warm up” to the idea of getting naked and intimate with another person. This process takes time, and it’s important to listen to your partner and let them lead the way in terms of the level of intimacy that they’re ready for. If you don’t feel like waiting, well, quite frankly, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
This leads me quite nicely onto my second point; listen to them, and respect what they’re saying. Consent and respect are two big buzzwords lately when it comes to sexual health and relationships, and for good reason – they are key for every positive sexual interaction. If your partner says they’re not ready for something, then they are not ready, and that’s okay. They’ll appreciate you listening to them immensely. Trust me on this one.
Tell them that they decide what happens, and when. This is a huge comfort and again highlights the key component of every relationship – c o m m u n i c a t i o n (Oooh, what a concept!). Letting them take the lead on sexual interactions shows that you respect them, and that they are worth more to you than what they can provide for you sexually. Obviously, if you’re not willing to wait forever, then again, communicate that; if they want to wait until marriage and you don’t, it’s best to end it before it begins, really. Every couple is different, and that’s just part of the human experience, baby.
Set out a list of Dos and Don’ts.
“What are you comfortable with me touching?” “Can I squeeze/touch/slap your butt/boobs/hips?” “Can I scratch your back?” These are all questions that you can ask both before and during anything sexual happening. Though some might argue that they “take away the atmosphere” and can make sex mechanical, consent is still key to these things, especially when someone is exposing their body to someone else’s touch for the first time.
Like I said initially, how you handle (wink wink nudge nudge) your partner for the first time can literally shape their perception of sex for a long time, so make sure it’s a good impression that they get.