2 Easy Meals For Couples

Written By Xander Cosgrave.

Impressive things you can make to make people slightly more likely to put up with you.

I can’t make you funny, but I can make sure the food is good.

I’m not going to cover main courses here. They can be awkward and really depend on who you are trying to impress. If you are looking to impress someone, you need to be able to impress this person in a group setting to be able to get to the stage that they might want to eat with you alone. These guys are good because they are 1) Easy AF, 2) Also Look good for parties, & 3) look cool as you make them.

Savoury, Easy Brushetta.

Serves; 2ish.

What you need

  • A knife and Board
  • A baking tray
  • A breadknife.
  • A frying pan.


  • One Baguette. (Vive La France!)
  • Olive Oil
  • 4 Tablespoons of Balsamic Vinegar
  • 200 grams of Baby Tomatoes. (Semi Sundried works if you want it sweeter)
  • 10 leaves of fresh basil.
  • 1 large fresh mozzarella. (Or goats cheese, but only if your date likes it)
  • Sea Salt & Black pepper.

How to cook it yeah.

  1. Chop all your basil finely. Split it into two equal piles and ignore it for a minute.
  2. Slice your Baguette into pieces slightly less thick than your thumbnail. You probably won’t use all of it, and that’s cool. Spread them out on the baking tray, toss some sea salt on them and a bit of olive oil. Put in the oven at 180c and take them out in about ten minutes, once they’re golden brown.
  3. Heat up the olive oil in your pan, you want it hot. Splash a drop of water in it, and when it sizzles throw in the tomatoes whole. Push em around, but you want to cook them whole, for a bit before you squash them.
  4. Toss in your balsamic with the tomatoes. Toss in one pile of the basil. Add a little bit of black pepper. Simmer gently for a few minutes.
  5. Tear that Mozzarella up with your hands. You Monster.
  6. Construction time. Put out your sliced baguette bits on a plate, or something pretentious like a wooden chopping board.
  7. Put some of the torn mozzarella on next, this is to stop the saucy tomatoes making the bread soggy. Sprinkle the rest of the basil over the top of everything. If it doesn’t all land on the bruschetta that’s cool. #Aesthetics. You’re done.


This scales up really quickly, and it uses a little less the more you make. You won’t need as much Balsamic as you make enough for 10 people or whatever. So always keep tasting it as you cook.

Maybe add some rocket to this as well if you want? Rocket is fucking great.


Sweet; Mini Cheese ‘Cakes’

Serves; I’m not here to judge.

What you need.

  • A bowl.
  • A spoon or whisk for mixing
  • A knife and board.
  • A Grater.


  • A lemon
  • A pack of Digestives
  • 200g of Cream Cheese
  • 300g of Icing sugar
  • A pot of Jam/Marmalade.
  • Some fresh Raspberries/Strawberries/Oranges
    Brown sugar, to top it.
  • A bar of dark chocolate.

How to make it.

  1. Cut your lemon in half. Juice it into your bowl, make sure you pick out your seeds.
  2. Add your Cream cheese and icing sugar to the bowl. Mix it together, tasting to see if you want more lemon/Sugar
  3. Slice your fruit, or if you’re using oranges, separate it into segments, and if they’re big, slice them in half.
  4. For constructing it, spread a layer of jam over a digestive, add a dollop of your cream cheese mix, and put a piece of sliced fruit on it. Sprinkle a little bit of brown sugar on it, and grate a small bit of dark Chocolate over the top.
  5. Congratulations, you made a bitesize cheesecake. You’re Anthony Goddamn Bourdain now.


Sometimes, I mix some jam into the mixture itself, but only fold it once or twice so there are swirls of colour in it. If you add some milk and yogurt to the mixture, in equal parts, you can make it into a great sweet dip for fruit.


General Tips for looking cool while you cook.

Explain to people what you’re doing. Use words like ‘Maillard Reaction’ and ‘Folding’.

Give people tastes while you cook, talk about the flavours you’re using.

Practice using your knife. Use the internet. Y’know Salt Bae? His knife skills are showy, but actually very attainable with practice and a good knife.

Don’t do a recipe you haven’t made before at home in front of everyone.

Don’t fuck up. Xoxoxo.