10 Never Have I Evers to Liven Up An Awkward Party
Written by Ding Bentley.
We’ve all been there: you’re at a gaff party, and the room full of friends of friends who have decided to play a drinking game to hopefully lighten the mood. Sometimes it works, but sometimes…sometimes you just can’t melt that icy atmosphere of ‘awks’. We don’t want this happen to you, so we’ve put together 10 ‘Never Have I Ever’ questions to make sure you know way too much about your friends’ sex lives.
1) Never Have I Ever faked an orgasm
An easy one to start, and an especially good one if there are couples in the room. There’s always discussion after this, as couples claim that the faked orgasm wasn’t with them. More men drink for this one than you’d presume, and it’s always interesting to find out the new and likely disgusting ways guys are faking orgasms. I’ve heard everything from “spitting on their back” to “grunting, then quickly filling the condom with mayonnaise.”
2) Never Have I Ever had sexual thoughts about someone in this room
This continues the theme from the previous one, in that it could potentially have an interesting effect on couples, but also the single people in the room. Hey, you never know, it could give people their queue to pluck up the courage and ask out/shift their crush. You could be an honorary cupid for the night and maybe, just maybe, you could be someone’s crush…
3) Never Have I Ever called someone ‘Daddy’ while having sex
Okay, so this magazine has a ‘no kink-shaming’ policy, but this is still a great question to ask people you barely know. If you like being called ‘daddy’ while getting down and dirty, then own it – no shame. This is aimed at the person who once said it in the heat of the moment, and then never spoke about it again. If such a person is there, you’ll know.
4) Never Have I Ever accidentally had anal
Keyword there is “accidentally.” Have you ever just missed your target, or picked the wrong hole? It’s surprisingly easier to do that you’d think. I guarantee someone will double check the word “accidentally” was used before taking a quiet sip.
5) Never Have I Ever had a sexual thought about a family member
Ramping it up a bit here. Whether you’re from Kerry, Cobh or even Dublin, you’ve likely had an incest joke made at your expense, or the expense of someone you know. We’re a small island nation, it…it happens, I guess?
6) Never Have I Ever been urinated on sexually
Again, no kink shaming, but this is a good time to throw out a weirder question, as people should be more…socially lubricated. Good for newer couples to find out if your kinks match up or not.
7) Never Have I Ever sniffed someone’s clothes (sexually)
This could follow the previous question’s line in kink-discovery, but is also a good one to use if you’ve noticed your underwear go missing right around the time your weird friend comes over for tea.
8) Never Have I Ever masturbated while thinking about a friend
Okay, this is if that creepy little fuck drank for the last one. If they drink for this one as well, reach over and punch them in the throat. If neither of these two happened, it’s still viable because it’s late on in the game, and there’s room for some slightly weirder ones, but this is it. End of the weird ones.
9) Never Have I Ever fucked a horse
Alright, I lied. This is the “go hard or go home,” this is the final boss of ‘Never Have I Ever’. 99% of the time, no one will drink, and you will get the weird stare you deserve from your now-former friends…but that one time in a million where someone drinks…man, it’s so so worth it. “Why a horse and not, a sheep, or something?” you may be asking? All I’ll say is: there’s no way you can accidentally fuck a horse.
10) Never Have I Ever been in love
If you haven’t been kicked out of the house yet, you might as well try and bring the room back around with more innocent content. It won’t work, but at least they’ll probably realise that you know you made a bad call with the horse thing.